Yesterday was pretty bleak. I was unapologetically miserable. Even my faithful sense of humor, which has gotten me through the worst times in my life, failed me. There was nothing positive about yesterday and I said as much to anyone who asked.
I listened to people say that folks like me were blowing things out of proportion. I smiled as many people joked about the world not ending. I listened without comment to Bush supporters as they celebrated their victory and cried quietly as the man I voted for conceded the election.
Politics is a funny thing. Rarely is there a position between passion and indifference. Even those who follow with mild disinterest will have some issue that pushes their buttons. And for someone like me, who has been engaged in this process and believes very strongly in her convictions about this country and its leadership, the word passion doesn't really adequately communicate how completely invested I was in the outcome of this election.
Nobody likes to lose. Losing sucks. And when you personally feel that so much is at stake... well, losing certainly feels like the end of the world. I will not apologize for mourning yesterday. I will not apologize for being angry or feeling betrayed when I heard that the concession call had been made. I will not apologize for my tears.
John Kerry was not my first choice for our presidential nominee. I was a Deaniac. I found Howard Dean refreshing and electrifying. I was caught up in his momentum and for the first time in a long time, believed that I could make a difference. I was and am proud to say that I supported Dr. Dean. I even contributed to his campaign. Would Dean have been able to win? Apparently the Democratic Party didn't think so. Shame on all of us for letting him be thrown to the wolves in favor of the "safer" more mainstream candidate.
I'm still on the Dean mailing list and the very first political email I received yesterday was from Dr. Dean. Here's what you're not going to hear today, he said. Here's the good news - the victories that are going to get overshadowed by the bad news. We're not going away. Thank you, Dr. Dean. Thank you for reminding me that while it is bleak now - and it should be in the wake of such a disappointment - it won't be this dark forever.
I'm not going away, Mr. Bush. I'm not going to sit down, shut up, and let you get back to the business of flushing our country down the toilet all in the name of "unity". I despise everything you and your thugs stand for. I am a LIBERAL.
Democrats, you're not off the hook. Get your shit together. It's time to take some chances, stop being such suck-up wimps, and get in some faces. It's okay - don't be afraid. What have we got to lose???
We're angry now but it is only October, 2005. Who knows what will happen between now and November, 2006? I heard a liberal talk radio host suggesting the other day that Bush still has plenty of time to pull things out, to work with his smoke and mirrors - to get people thinking that all of the things going on right now are just some bad dream. I wanted to remind myself of where I've been... and what I need to do.
I need to remember.